1. Check out the equipment
It’s important to know what you’re working with down there, so grab a mirror, spread ‘em, and check out the glans of the clitoris and the hood, says Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure.
This is helpful not just to explore different sensations and various types of touch with your sight as a guide, but because what you see affects how you get off. Turns out, size and location matter. Studies have shown that the bigger and closer to the vagina the clitoris is, the easier it is to orgasm. Obviously, you can’t really do anything about the size and location of your clit, but getting acquainted with your body’s geography is just responsible, fun, and informative.
2. Vary your vibrator technique
Boosting your sexual satisfaction with a vibrator can go beyond 1) take a vibrator and 2) put it on your clitoris. “Some clitorises like very focused, targeted stimulation,” sex educator Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., author of Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, tells BuzzFeed Life. “Other clits really like a diffused vibration, more a rumble than a buzz.”
Experiment with light and blunt pressure, as well as using the tip and the flat sides of your vibrator. If you’re in the market for a new toy, these vibrators could pretty much replace your partner.
3. Or give your vibe a break
Unplugging for a bit can give your clitoris some rehab so you don’t start relying on your toys for an orgasm — since, you know, real-life partners don’t vibrate. “Taking a break can get you back in touch with what gets you off and help you explore and discover new erogenous areas,” says Levine.
4. Treat it like a penis
You can usually count on Reddit for some questionable sex advice, but one user was actually onto something when they suggested treating your clitoris like a small penis. Seriously. They advised: “Gently feel for the lower end and grab with two fingers and squeeze laterally (gently at first, but you have to squeeze hard to feel it a lot). And then move up and down like you’re jacking yourself off.” Depending on the actual size of your clitoris and clitoral hood, this might not work perfectly, but it’s a hell of a unique tip.
5. Use lube like your clitoris depends on it. Because it does
Lubrication isn’t just needed to make penetration easier and safer; it’s critical for most clitorises too, says Nagoski. The clitoris is super sensitive, and dryness increases risk of irritation.
6. Tap instead
If you’re used to rubbing one out, try tapping with the pad of your finger instead. Levine recommends varying the pressure and speed, from soft to firm, and medium to fast.
7. Brush up on your facts
Because the more you know, the more you can enjoy. Some rapid-fire clitoris knowledge from Nagoski: It can range from the size of a small pea to the tip of a gherkin pickle, has nearly double the nerve endings of a penis, and is the only part of you made entirely for sensation. It’s also way bigger than you think — the external pleasure button is only the tip of the iceberg. And by iceberg, we mean larger, wishbone-shaped structure.
8. Stimulate it from the inside
There are some researchers who believe that the internal structures of the clitoris are actually the source of the experience of the G-spot, says Nagoski. When you’re aroused, your entire clitoris swells, so stimulating the front wall of the vagina with a toy, finger, or properly positioned penis = a form of clitoral play. Enjoy.
9. Raid your kitchen for new toys
Or, you know, the kitchen section at your local Bed Bath & Beyond — for sanitary reasons. According to Levine, some kitchen utensils can be a good stand-in for sex toys if you want to try something new. She suggests this pastry brush to tease and tickle your clitoris or a baster for light suction. Just make sure you clean themthoroughly before each use.
And note: While these are great for external stimulation, you should never put anything in your vagina that wasn’t specifically made to go in there.
10. Lay off the pressure
Sometimes, a feather-light touch is all you need, especially if you’re like most people and tend to default to deeper stimulation, says Nagoski. Ghost your fingers (or vibe or chosen kitchen utensil or whatever) where you would normally put pressure and build up the tension.
11. Play four corners
Some say that the upper right quadrant is extra sensitive, according to Levine, but it’s not backed by science. Either way, it’s a good excuse to experiment. “Shifting a bit to the right, left, up or down is key to increasing arousal and ultimately a stronger climax,” she says.
12. Buy some matching bling
Do like Gloria Steinem and rock the Clitoring by Penelopi Jones.
13. Treat it to some jewelry of its own
Like that old strand of pearls tucked away in your jewelry box (clean it first!) or a slightly-unnecessary-but-why-the-hell-not pearl thong (like the one made famous bySex and the City). Try sliding the string between your legs and slowly gliding it back and forth over your clitoris.
14. Give your poor hand a break already
Levine suggests moving your pelvis instead of your hand. Keep your finger (or hand, pillow, or sex toy) still, then rock your clitoris against it. Aaaaand friction.
15. Use your labia to give it a squeeze
Per Nagoski: “With each hand, take each labia lip and tug separately side-by-side like a seesaw. First the left, then the right, then the left, and so on.” Think of it like a clitoris sandwich. Or don’t. Whatever.
16. Combine clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration
Experts say that it can lead to stronger orgasms — known as blended orgasms. To do this, you’ll want to try positions that are generally more clit-friendly. Here are Levine’s top picks for stimulation during P-in-V or strap-on sex: doggy-style where you or your partner can stroke your clitoris, you-on-top where you’re in full control of touching yourself, and coital alignment technique where you can use pressure from your bodies being pressed together to maximize clitoral stimulation. You’re welcome.
17. Take some extra time in the shower
Because what is your shower head really for besides pointing it directly at your clitoris? Additionally, a clean, damp washcloth can really feel really damn good down there.
18. Ignore it
This strategy is all about touching everywhere but where you want to touch most. Think of it as the masturbatory equivalent of playing hard to get.
19. Stimulate it indirectly by pressing on the mons pubis
“Indirect stimulation of the clitoris doesn’t get enough time and attention,” says Nagoski. Try pressing down on the mons — the fatty part where the outer labia meet at the top of the vulva — with your palm and pull upward.
20. Use “tingling” lube
You might love it or you might hate it — all clitorises are different, obviously — but dotting a bit of stimulating lube for a new sensation is definitely worth a try.
21. Remind your partner that it’s there
It takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm, but only 15 to say “It’s called a clitoris and it’s right here”
For some reason, some people are still unaware of the existence of the clitoris, or at least its importance (“because patriarchy,” according to Nagoski). So if your partner is ignoring the right spot, speak up. Seriously.